Gloomy Days and Sunshine

I began a post yesterday...and finished it today. It's kind of a mess of thoughts, but maybe you'll find a gem of encouragement in there somewhere. ;)

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It's dark and windy and cold outside - which is fitting.
It's kinda how I've felt inside this morning.

Ever have those mornings when you're just not convinced you really want to even get out of bed?

I woke this morning to my husband inviting me to work out with him. [Uh, thanks...but I'll sleep a little longer.] Then my daughter came in and asked me, "Mom, what should I be doing right now?" [By the way, this is a brilliant question for a three-year-old to ask her mother.] "Color me a picture." [That would keep her busy for a few minutes while I pry myself away from my bed and the warm snuggly baby cuddled up beside me.]

Oatmeal was the unanimous vote for breakfast, and as I leaned against the counter while stirring the bubbling goopy substance [still trying to fully wake myself], I stared deep into the goo...pondering the meaning of life. This is neither profound nor advised - [pondering life while mesmerized by goop].

The baby's monitor hummed beside me on the counter - a high pitched, awful sort of hum - and I realized, "I am in a bad mood".

As I prepared to place breakfast on our table, I opened up the blinds to reveal the dim and dreary light that seemed to slothfully and resentfully creep in through the glass.

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Cut to today...
...a whole new day...a new perspective.

Three children crowded on top of us on our bed, bouncing and tickling and shoving and laughing. I handed my husband the baby, then took a few minutes to fix my hair, get dressed and put on a hint of makeup before I tackled the pile of dishes I had intentionally ignored last night, half-wishing they would disappear before morning. [They didn't.]

J. made eggs and toast, we brewed our teas and all sat together for our morning meal. Then, naturally, more dishes followed. *sigh*

My daughter and I sorted through her bin of clothes to grow into, and pulled out a few items which now fit her. My son and J. went to the garage to "organize". [I think that's what they call it when they want to tinker with their tools, but have no specific project in mind.] ;)

Baby started to cry, so here I am nursing her and blogging [Jessie calls it "multi-tasking". ;) ]

Yesterday, I was hoping my ending would present itself throughout the day...that I'd experience some epiphany that would break through my clouded heart. It did not...and I never finished my post.

What actually ended up happening was more subtle and slow and I didn't recognize it until this morning.

I began to consider the perspectives of others. I took the focus off of myself a bit and began to wonder, what does my son need right now, what does my daughter need? And not in my usual way, when I want to hurry up and make everyone happy so that I can finally do what I want to get done.

I decided to evaluate my own "do list" and realized that nothing on it was very important. What is important is honoring the God who created and who sustains me, and loving my husband and my children - and these weren't even on my mental list as a goal for my day. My mental list was full of "things" and tasks that could be accomplished; finished, completed and then checked off the list [only to be quickly replaced with a new and equally insignificant duty].

Seeking the Lord and loving my family cannot be "accomplished", it is ongoing and requires perseverance, endurance and continual dedication. Sometimes it's easy and comes naturally and joyfully - other times, love can only be fueled by determination and a desire to choose what is right over what is comfortable.

So, this morning as the kids clobbered all over us...and I wished I could remember what it is like to sleep in, and wake up to a peaceful quiet, I looked in their eyes and knew that they needed my love, my attention, my play. So, we played. I chose to enjoy their laughter, and chose to let go of my objectives and fill today with enjoying one another.

When I opened up the blinds today...sunshine danced into the room. How fitting!

I'm thankful that His mercies are new each day. I'm thankful for these three beautiful, noisy, busy children that He has given to us. I'm glad for gloomy days and sunshine...and learning how to love.